The Exhausted Provider
You might be one. You might know one.
Exhausted providers are capable. Good at what they do. They are able to solve problems, sort shit out, they constantly come up with solutions.
They are committed. They are wonderful parents, workers, bosses and friends. They do what they say they are going to. They don’t like letting people down.
They care. They are kind and in service to others. They want their people to be happy. They often give at the expense of themselves.
The world offered us a big promise. We were promised that if we were ‘good’ and if we did all the right things, then we would be rewarded. We would be happy.
Exhausted providers work their arses off. They pride themselves on being ‘good'. Good daughters or sons. Being good parents, good friends, good bosses, good team members.
They live off the promise that if they play by the rules, do the right thing and tick all the boxes, they will be content and get ‘the life they deserve’.
But usually, they just feel more and more pressure. They are fried. They are disillusioned. They can’t even tell people that they are unhappy as outwardly everything looks great!
Exhausted providers live on a raft of responsibility. Been responsible for everyone from a very early age - responsible for looking after their brothers and sisters, responsible for fulfilling the dreams of their parents, responsible for everyone and everything - or so they think!
I see this all the time with the amazing people I meet and mentor. People come to my events with all the trappings of success but they have lost the light in their eyes. Stage one, they are a robot going through the motions. Stage two, they are super fragile; they are one hug away from falling apart.
They have trapped themselves in a mouse wheel and are doing their best to look happy about it! They are trying to keep calm and carry on. Convinced if they do 'enough', it will come right.
1. Get honest.
How do you feel? Angry? Sad? Disillusioned? Write down or voice out loud how you are really feeling. This can be hard after so many years of ‘performing and pretending’.
2. No sudden movements.
Don’t make any decisions. Breathe and take some time to consider. Consider everything! What is working, what is not?
3. Create some space.
A weekend away? A holiday? Find a way to get away. Take yourself somewhere where no one needs you. It might be another city, it might be a tiny house. Space where you can be alone. Where you can think. Where you can listen to your inner voice.
4. Reconnect.
Do something you used to do. Go somewhere you used to love. Talk to someone who knew you as your old self.
5. Decide.
What do you want? What is working? What is not?
6. Get a plan.
You might need help to do this. An accountability buddy or a mentor. Someone that can help you, guide you and hold you to your plan.
I have been there! As a recovering people pleaser, rescuer and control freak - I get it! I wrote a poem that described how I felt.
The Exhausted Provider
I’ll sort it!
I’ve got this
It’s fine
I say
I’m calm and consistent,
It feels heavy
Some days.
Expectations
Obligations
"I’m happy
to pay"!
Responsibility’s
my thing
In the sun
I make hay
I go get a coffee
To boost my energy
People laughing and
socialising in the cafe.
Could someone acknowledge
My duty and hard work?
Obligation has become
My way.
The pressure is huge,
Mustn’t let it show
“Effortless effort”
A day off if I may?
I’m there for everyone
Except myself
Smiling on the outside
I want to run away!