Why I Am Very Happy to Be Selfish

I had a huge response to my blog on Tuesday about exhausted providers.

There are a lot of people starting 2024 with a hangover from 2023. They might have ‘been away’ but they are still exhausted.

They are tired. Tired of trying. Tired of being disappointed. Tired of feeling misunderstood.

Not physically tired but they are ‘soul tired’. They are depleted from doing everything for everyone else and nothing that lights them up.

You might think you are stuck. That you are unmotivated. After being in survival for so long most of us are depleted.

And the answer is selfishness! It’s time to be selfish. It’s time to stop self-sacrificing.

Selfish is the last thing you probably want to ‘identify with’. When I wrote my first book “Look Gorgeous Be Happy" I did a lot of research into the word selfish. It confused me as the suffix ‘ish’ means belonging to a person or thing.

How perfect to belong to yourself! If I am described as ‘boyish’ it means I am like a boy. If I am described as ‘blue-ish’ then I am a bit blue. So my conclusion was that being Selfish meant I was “like me”.

Based on those examples I am very happy to be selfish!

It doesn’t surprise me that the word selfish was first used by Presbyterians in 1641. Many of us were raised with Christian beliefs even if we were not in a religious environment. The values and virtues of putting others first, of sacrifice for the greater good were things our parents believed in and taught to us.

But the world has changed. Our grandparents worked 9-5 pm. They were not managing sensitive children with crazy schedules, constantly posting images of their lives, keeping up with thousands of ‘friends’ and running multiple digital devices!

Our worlds are mad.
And we need to be more of ourselves to cope.

I realised years ago that I needed more of me. With four children and two businesses, I would have been very easy to drown. Me drowning served no one. And the only person who could keep my head up was me. The only person who could give my kids a happy Mother was me.

I realised that I deserved the same time, love and energy that I was giving to so many people. I deserved time on my own. I deserved to go places that lit me up. To spend time with people who inspired me.

It was best for everyone. It meant that I was better. I was better for my family, for my clients and for my team.

Our modern world has many people living in fear. Living in a fear state means that we are scared. Scared to say no. Scared to miss out. Scared to walk away. When we are scared we often think that more will help. Giving more time, more attention, more money.

We are filling up the wrong tanks. You need more of you. You need to tell the world that you matter. The problem with giving everything to others, with putting other people first is that we teach them that we come second.

I heard a story about a woman this week who walked out of her life. She was 76 years old. She packed a bag and left. It suddenly occurred to her that she was not on this planet forever and that she was not living. She was existing! She no longer wanted the life she had been tolerating.

She had been excessively self-sacrificing, giving everything to others and sacrificing her own needs. It was well time for her to be selfish!

How to be "Selfish"

1. Spend time ‘Pondering’.
What do you want, what do you like?

2. Make time to do what you want to.
Reading, walking, sleeping, creating or playing sports or music?

3. Practice saying ‘No’.
Start being honest and saying no to things that don’t suit you, places you don’t want to go. People who don’t align with who you want to be.

4. Set yourself up for success.
Get the things you need to sleep, eat, work and live well.

5. Ask others to help you.

Reach out to people and ask them to support you in putting yourself first.

“Add value to your own life first.”
Sylvester McNutt

Join me in my Love YOU Online Event on February 14 at 7:30 pm NZDT for an hour and a half of positivity, filled with love, laughter, and insights that will guide you to a life you'll love living. Here's the link to register.