Breaking Free from Shoulds
“Should” is the most energy-draining word in the English language!
How many times a day do you use the word “should”? I should exercise more. I should call my mother. I should be more organised. I should be grateful. Each “should” is like a tiny energy vampire, sucking vitality out of your day.
“Should” creates a constant state of internal conflict. Part of you wants to do the thing, part of you resists it, and you end up stuck in mental wrestling matches that exhaust you before you’ve even started.
The worst part about “shoulds” is that they often aren’t even yours! They’re inherited from parents, absorbed from society, or picked up from well-meaning friends. You’re using your precious energy to meet standards that might not even align with who you are or what you actually want.
Here’s how to break free from the tyranny of should:
Catch yourself in the act. Start noticing every time you use the word “should.” Don’t judge it, just become aware. You can’t change what you don’t recognise.
Question the source. When a “should” pops up, ask: “According to who?” Is this your authentic desire, or someone else’s expectation that you’ve internalised? Most “shoulds” crumble under this simple question.
Replace “should” with “could.” This simple word swap transforms obligation into possibility. “I should exercise” becomes “I could exercise.” Feel the difference? One feels heavy, the other feels light and full of choice.
Try “want to” and “choose to.” These phrases reconnect you with your personal agency. “I want to call my mother because I miss her” has completely different energy than “I should call my mother.”
Give yourself permission to disappoint the “should” police. Some people won’t like it when you stop shoulding all over yourself. That’s their problem, not yours. Your energy is too valuable to waste on other people’s programming.
When you eliminate “shoulds” from your vocabulary, you free up enormous amounts of mental and emotional energy. You stop fighting invisible battles and start making conscious choices aligned with your values and desires.
This doesn’t mean abandoning responsibility or becoming selfish. It means taking responsibility for your choices rather than being driven by unconscious obligations.
Pay attention to your “should” patterns this week. What would happen if you replaced just three of your daily “shoulds” with more empowering language?
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