Saying Yes When You Mean No
We're all walking around saying yes to shit we don't want to do!
How many times this week have you said yes when every cell in your body was screaming no? That dinner invitation when you desperately needed a quiet night. The extra project when you're already drowning. The favour for someone who never returns them.
We've become professional people-pleasers, sacrificing our own needs on the altar of everyone else's convenience. We say yes because we don't want to seem difficult, selfish, or unavailable. But here's the thing - when you say yes when you mean no, everyone loses.
You end up resentful and exhausted, and the other person gets a half-hearted version of you instead of an enthusiastic contributor. Nobody wins when you're operating from obligation instead of genuine desire.
The first step is buying yourself time before responding. “I’ll come back to you" gives you space to consider whether you actually want to do something rather than automatically agreeing. That pause between the request and your response is where your power lives.
Are you saying yes because you're scared of disappointing someone, or because you genuinely want to participate? Fear-based yeses always lead to resentment. Your body knows the difference even when your mind is confused about it!
Practice saying no to small requests first. "Can you stay late tonight?" "Would you mind taking on this extra task?" Start with lower-stakes situations to build your no muscles. Like any skill, it gets easier with practice.
The most authentic people I know are brilliant at saying no. They understand that their yes is only meaningful when their no is possible. They'd rather disappoint someone with honesty than disappoint themselves with resentful compliance.
This isn't about becoming selfish or uncaring. It's about being honest about your capacity and priorities. When you only say yes to things you genuinely want to do, you show up as your full, engaged self rather than a resentful shadow.
Your yes should be an expression of enthusiasm, not an abandonment of yourself. Life's too short to spend it doing things you don't want to do just because you're afraid to disappoint people.
What have you said yes to recently that you wish you'd declined? How might your relationships improve if you were more honest about your actual availability and interest?
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