When Was The Last Time You Put Yourself First?
The disease of resentment is alive and well in so many people that I meet. They are resentful that their friends' lives turned out better than theirs, that they aren't as thin or rich or successful as they had planned! Resentment can deplete your emotional energy.
Depletion happens when you decrease or exhaust the abundance of something. We often think about being depleted in a nutritional way - lacking in a particular vitamin or mineral. But what if our lives were depleted - lacking in fun, lacking in friends, lacking in passion?
On a scale of 1-10, my life is pretty amazing. I have four wonderful children, an incredible husband, healthy parents, fabulous friends and I get to do work that I love. So why do I feel depleted?
In the busy-ness of running my speaking practice, juggling the financial fuckery of being self-employed with the emotional needs of family and friends, it is easy to become depleted.
My body gets depleted from enough sleep and good food, my mind is depleted of downtime and inspiration, my heart is depleted from not spending enough time with the people I treasure the most. When we are busy, we often miss out on spending time with our ‘heart fillers’. The people who light us up to fill our tank and make us feel amazing.
The hardest bit about feeling depleted is getting over the hump of having enough energy to do more so we can feel better!
Once we turn off our energy, it can be hard to turn back on. I see women at my events who literally ‘turned off’ years ago and are now merely going through the motions of life. No joy, no interest, just existing. They are the living dead. This is a state that I am very motivated to avoid and so am constantly checking in with myself to work out where things are at….
So what does one do when one finds themselves in a state of depletion?
Give yourself permission to restore. It is not lazy or self-indulgent to rest, switch off or cancel some plans in order to support yourself. Do what you need to do - ‘Are you prepared to disappoint another in order to be true to yourself?’ is my favourite line in my favourite poem - The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. In an effort to please everyone, we so often forget how to please ourselves. Give yourself permission to let someone else down in order to restore yourself.
Stop & listen. What is your body & mind telling you? What does your body need most right now? A nap, to lie down, some exercise, some fresh air? We get very good at ‘carrying on’ and ‘keeping up appearances’ and stopping and honouring how we actually feel can be difficult. We are programmed from an early age to ‘carry on’. To get up and get on with the day - to disregard the messages that our body is sending us. It takes a conscious effort to tap back into our body's wisdom - to listen hard enough to hear our own messages over the noise of modern life. Be still and ask your body what it needs from you right now - you might be surprised by its wisdom!
Nurture yourself. Grab a blanket, make some soup, go to your favourite place. What do you want right now? Do you want to be with friends? Do you want to be alone? What do you really want to do? Do that. Do it without judgment. Do it without thinking of what others will say. Just do what you want - even if it's only for an hour. The power to do what we want is one of the greatest gifts we own. The power to be free to choose how we spend our time, what we do with our lives and who we spend our time with. Obligation is a shitty pill that we swallow too often. It creates resentment and bitterness and disease. Let yourself be your greatest obligation.
Make a plan. Plan something wonderful to look forward to. Plan some downtime in your schedule. Plan some space in your calendar. Plan time with your important people. Prioritise the needs of your body - sleep, food, exercise. Let your diary reflect your priorities.
I love this from the Dalai Lama -
“Man sacrifices his health in order to make money.
Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future that he
does not live in the present or the future;
he lives as if he's never going to die and
then he dies having never really lived.”
This weekend, I will be surrounding myself with soup and blankets, walking and resting, stillness and creativity!