The Roles That We Play

I am away at Repotted this week and one of the big conversations we will be having is about the roles that we play. 

We play a wide variety of roles throughout our lives, such as those defined by family: child, parent, sibling. At work: employee, boss, coworker and social connections: friend, leader, team member. Some of these roles are chosen and some seem to come free with your life!

We also adopt roles unconsciously, like the "protector," "joker," or "caregiver," which come with specific energies and expectations. Becoming aware of these roles is the first step toward consciously choosing how we want to show up in our lives.

I have many friends stepping into ‘empty nest’ - they are transitioning from being a hands-on parent to being more of a guidance or distance role. This is the perfect example of a huge role change.

Our lives can feel very disrupted when our roles change without us being in charge. Redundancy, separation, death and illness are enormous disruptors that we have no control over. These types of changes are hard and can take a long time to readjust.

I love the conversation about what roles you are intentionally choosing and what roles are currently vacant in your world. The problem most people have with roles is that they either have way too many or not enough! Those of us who are greedy and overcommitted exhaust ourselves by juggling too many roles.

These roles could be partner, parent, friend, daughter/son, grandparent, volunteer, transport provider, cleaner, organiser, meal planner, support person, carer, administrator, pet owner, coach, property owner, business owner, employee, co-worker, aunt/uncle, sibling, niece/nephew.

What are the roles that you have?

What roles do you want? What do you want to get rid of? 

It's ok to outgrow roles, to admit that certain roles, people and expectations no longer suit you. It’s about acknowledging that you're different now, and the connection and joy that once felt effortless now require effort you're no longer willing to give.

For us to evolve, we must eliminate - for new things to come in, we need to make room in our lives. We need to discard roles that are based on who we used to be. Resigning from a role, releasing yourself from commitment can happen once you become aware of what you want. What you want in the next chapter of your life.

Think of it as decluttering and redesigning the things you are committed to.

What are the roles you want? Are you longing to be part of something? Connected to a group or community or club?

What are the gaps you would like to fill?

I once met a delightful man on a plane. We started talking and he ended up telling me about his new dog. He told me that he had never been a dog person but when his wife died, he realised that he ‘needed another heartbeat in the house’. He took some of the energy he had put into being a husband into becoming a pet owner. That's a lovely example of how we can add things to our worlds to fill gaps that life has created.

What role do you want to play this Christmas? Are you a generous host? Are you a gorgeous guest? Are you a grateful visitor or are you an organised host?

All these are choices and you are allowed to change your mind if your previous roles no longer suit you!!!