Self-Abandonment

Last night was the first night of my Fired Up for 2026 Masterclass series. 

I got carried away talking about self-abandonment.

Self-Abandonment is sneaky. You are going about your life. Doing all the things, getting stuff done and then you wake up one day exhausted. Not physically but emotionally.

After years of saying yes when you mean no of skipping lunch because everyone else needs something. You book everyone else in your diary but yourself. You know that thing you love doing? You haven't done it in months. You stay up scrolling because you haven't had a moment to yourself all day and this is your time, even though you're exhausted and tomorrow will be shit because of it.

Self-abandonment is the opposite of self-love. It's putting yourself last so consistently that you've forgotten you deserve to be on the list at all! After years of being there for everyone it gets easier and easier to abandon your own needs and bury yourself in ‘I'm fine’ & ‘Its all good’.

I watch people do this all the time. They give everything to their partners, their kids, their clients, their bosses, their friends. They're generous and kind and caring to everyone except themselves. And then they wonder why they feel empty. Why do they have no energy. Why they feel disconnected from their own life...

You are desperate for connection, but you can't find it because you're disconnected from YOU. You're looking for someone else to make you feel whole when you're the one who left you behind.

It's the 'curse of capable'. Kind and clever people who are clever do a lot because they can. Because it seems ‘easier’ - you find yourself unpacking on the island of ‘it's easier to do it myself’ and permanently living there!

It's easily done. You decide to put yourself last, temporarily. Maybe you started a family, maybe you started a business, maybe you agreed to care for someone with lots of needs. After a while, this becomes your new normal and spending anytime on you suddenly feels foreign or heaven forbid even selfish!

You can't give what you don't have. If you're running on empty, if you've abandoned your own needs, your own desires, your own truth, then you're not actually helping anyone. You're just performing. Existing on resentment and obligation is not living. Its existing!

Here's what you can do about it:

Come back to yourself. Start noticing when you're abandoning yourself. When are you saying yes but feeling no? When are you pretending you're fine when you're not? When did you last do something just because you wanted to? Awareness is the first step.

Take yourself seriously. Your needs matter. Not after everyone else's needs are met. Right now. Today. You need time, space, rest, joy, movement, quiet. Whatever it is, it's legitimate. You don't need to earn it or justify it.

Show yourself some loving care. This isn't about bubble baths and face masks (although those are great!). This is about treating yourself like someone you actually love. Would you make someone you love skip meals? Force them to work 12 hours straight? Tell them they're not good enough? Then why are you doing it to yourself?

Connect with who you are. Not who you should be. Not who everyone needs you to be. Who you actually are. What lights you up? What makes you feel alive? What did you love before you learnt to abandon it for everyone else? 

Who were you before the world told you who to be?

The solution to abandonment is self-love. And self-love isn't soft. It's fierce. It's saying no when you mean no. It's taking up space. It's refusing to abandon yourself one more time just because it's easier or more comfortable for everyone else.

You're here to take up space. Physical, emotional, mental space, and spiritual space. The work of learning to like yourself is huge.

Start today. One small act of not abandoning yourself. 

Book something in your diary that's just for you. 

Say no to something you don't want to do. 

Do something you love that you've been putting off.

You deserve the same time, love and energy that you're giving to everyone else. You're the only person who can keep your own head up. The only person who can give yourself a life you actually want to live.

It's time to stop abandoning yourself and start coming home. 

It's not too late to join in on Fired Up - we can send you the recording and you can join us live for the other two sessions:

2 February - Freedom & Independence
9 February - Communication & Connection