Reclaiming Your Life Force

This will hit a nerve for half of you reading this.

You know who you are - you're the ones who've spent your entire lives being the giver, the helper, the one everyone turns to when shit hits the fan. You're the emotional support human, the unpaid therapist, the one who drops everything to sort everyone else's problems while your own life falls apart in the background.

Exhausted? Running on empty? Feeling resentful?

Here is the uncomfortable truth that took me years to figure out. Being a chronic giver isn't actually that noble. It's often just fear dressed up as virtue. Constantly giving without boundaries isn't love.

It's often coming from fear. Fear of not being liked, fear of rejection, fear of someone thinking you're selfish. It's giving from an empty cup because you believe your worth is tied to how much you can do for others.

So many women think that saying "no" makes them awful humans. They've been programmed to think that self-care is selfish, that boundaries are mean, and that their needs should always come last. And where has that got them? Burnt out, resentful, and often surrounded by people who take their generosity for granted.

I love Marianne Williamson’s quote: “Sometimes love says no.”

It’s our beliefs that turn us into people pleasers - beliefs might have served you when you were seven years old and trying to keep the peace in a chaotic household. But they're not serving you now.

The best thing about beliefs is that you can change them. It's not easy but you can choose new beliefs. You're not stuck with the programming someone else installed in you. 

You can decide right now that your needs matter, that boundaries are healthy, and that you're worthy of love just for being you - not for what you can do for others.

When you become aware of the weight of responsibility that you are carrying for others you can feel incredibly heavy. It's unbelievable how much responsibility we carry for others. For their feelings, for their health, for their lives! 

You are not responsible for your mother's disappointment when you can't visit every weekend. You are not responsible for your friend's sadness when you can't drop everything to listen to the same problem for the hundredth time. You are not responsible for your colleague's stress when you won't stay late to fix their mistakes.

Other people's emotions are their responsibility. Your emotions are yours. This doesn't make you heartless - it makes you healthy.

When you stop being everyone's emotional support system, something magical happens.

The people who were using you tend to drift away (see ya!!!!), and the people who genuinely care about you step up. Your relationships become more balanced, more authentic, more reciprocal.

You start to feel like yourself again. You remember what you actually like, what you actually want, what your dreams are. You stop being so bloody tired all the time. The beautiful irony: when you’re taking care of yourself, when you're giving from a place of genuine choice rather than obligation, your giving becomes more powerful. 

It becomes a gift rather than a transaction.

Taking back your personal power isn't about becoming selfish. It's about being self full.

Knowing that you matter. Your needs matter. Your dreams matter. Your energy matters. And until you start acting like these things are true, you're going to keep feeling exhausted, resentful, and invisible.

So here's your homework: this week, I want you to say NO to one thing you would normally say yes to out of obligation.

Notice how it feels.
Notice what comes up.
Notice that the world doesn't end. 

You've spent years giving your power away.
Now it's time to take it back.
Off you go - you’ve got some power to reclaim!