Fitting in and Standing out
How are you showing up?
‘Fitting in’ is a huge part of being human. Often, we create stories around fitting in - these stories often start with “I’ve always been an outsider.”, "I've never been in the cool group.”, “I don’t see that I can add any value.” and the old chestnut “I have never felt good enough.”
Every one of us had to deal with these feelings. You are a smart, qualified adult human and then - bam- one drop in confidence and you become the scared, awkward kid you were at 13 years old.
Your job as an adult is to rise above your pathology and become who you want to be. Your past doesn't have to define you. While it may not be easy, you can decide to change and move forward as a different version of yourself.
Every decision we make says something about who we want to be. What time you turn up for a meeting, what you wear, who you hang out with - these are all decisions that you are making about who you are and how you show up. How and where you fit in anywhere in life is about showing up.
I had the pleasure of seeing author Neale Donald Walsch speak in 2013. When he was ready to start - he walked out onto the stage and commented that three of the seats in the front row were empty. He then stated that he would not be starting until people had come and sat in them! This led to quite a long and uncomfortable silence while everyone in the first five rows thought, gestured and generally felt uncomfortable.
The event was sold out. The tickets were general admission and there were three seats empty in the front row. Neale said that the reason the front row seats were such an issue for him was that ’50% of life is showing up’ - if you do not show up you have zero chance of finding out whether or not something is going to be successful or not. There were 500 people all who had paid a lot of money to hear Neale speak and yet they were not prepared to maximise the opportunity by sitting at the front.
Life is like this for me. You are here. You have paid the money but are you maximising your daily opportunities? Are you stepping forward for the front row?
‘How in are you?’ I am 100% committed to living a magnificent life. Every day, I do whatever I can to make my life magnificent. I work with amazing people, eat beautiful food, surround myself with the people and things that I love.
No one can do this for you. You are responsible for the quality of your life. If you want to live a big magnificent life, then you have to be in. All in. You have to take responsibility for your own experience. You have to throw yourself into the arena - as Brene Brown would say….
“When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make.”
Here are some tips for leaning forward:
Find your people.
The people who you have something in common with, people who will push and extend you, people who have similar thinking to you, people who share beliefs, culture, experiences.Make an effort.
Get organised, get dressed up, go to drinks, ask someone to join you for lunch. Identify an area of your life and simply ‘try harder’.Learn something new.
Try a new sport, hobby, phone app, software programme - anything just stay fresh and new!Manage your day.
Decide when you will get up. Decide when you will go to bed. Decide what food is best for you. Decide what your daily focus will be. Live on purpose rather than being bumped around by other people's priorities.Be grateful.
The simple act of pausing and being grateful for a person, a thing, a place - notice and give thanks to the people and things that make your life work.
Turn up turned on. Your life is your decision.