Being Needless

Are you needless?

After years of being capable, I have become unhelpfully independent. I am hard to help. So hard in fact people around me don’t recognise that I have needs! And I have taught them that. Years of not saying what I needed, years of putting my needs before the people around me. If you spend years of not wanting to be needy you can wake up one day loaded with resentment and wondering why no one notices you! 

I believe that we teach people how to treat us. So no surprise when after years of pretending to be needless you look around and notice that one knows you have needs! 

All humans have needs - we need essential physical things like food, water, shelter & sleep but emotionally we need so much more. Every human is wired to need belonging, connection, security, and intimacy.

When you are capable and spend your life serving others, your needs become invisible - even to yourself. You do such a good job of noticing outwardly what everyone around you needs that you fail to recognise or register your own needs. You spend years teaching everyone around you that you are ‘fine’ and they believe you!

What do you need? Probably very little. For most of my life I have met my own needs. I have provided the things that are important to me for myself.

My three strongest needs are inspiration, creativity & connection. I am obsessed with inspiration. I read inspirational books, watch inspiring movies and seek out inspiring people. Creativity is infused into every part of my day. From getting dressed to problem solving to the way I plate my food. I see creativity as part of everything I do. Connecting with people and places that matter to me helps me with my sense of belonging.

A wonderful question to ask yourself is if you could magically have a need met what would you choose? What is the thing that you need right now? And from who?

Our unmet needs end up hiding in a room of resentment that we have tried to pretend doesn’t exist. Writing a list of resentment is a wonderful place to start. 

The people we resent and envy often give us clues to the needs we wished were met. 

Make a wish list - tell some people. Watch the response!