Bad Behaviour

I have recently started noticing bad behaviour. Adults behaving badly. Being unkind, unhelpful and really challenging. Most of these people are unhappy. Something happened to them and they have decided that everyone they come into contact with should pay. Even worse, they think that it is their loved ones' job to put up with their shit.

That even after repeatedly bad behaviour people should still turn up, lean in, and be interested in their crappy behaviour! An explanation is not a permission slip. People need to take responsibility for their behaviour and to do that they need consequences! 

What happens when someone treats you badly? 
Do you smile and look away? 
Do you cut them off without explanation?
Do you gently remove yourself from more contact? 
Do you explain to them what you will and won’t accept as behaviour going forward?

It’s easy for people to say that they love you, but actions speak louder than words. Love is a verb. Love is more than a feeling. It's a set of behaviours. It looks like time, attention, generosity and curiosity about your life. 

Who do you have in your world who is generous, attentive and curious?

Who is interested in what’s on your plate and is keen to help out when needed? 

Help is one of the most wonderful currencies. Helpful people. People who offer their support rather than disappear when the going gets tough. There are loads of reasons people aren’t helpful. Sometimes they are simply not aware that help is required. They have no idea how to notice or initiate in a supportive way. Usually they have never experienced helpfulness themselves. We cannot expect people to give what they have never received and it's true that hurt people hurt people. But we need to decide what we will and won’t tolerate.

I love the idea that we treat people how to treat us! It's an uncomfortable truth but if you have someone in your life treating you badly - chances are you have accepted the behaviour and now it has become the norm.

For me, it's the little things.

Do people greet you when they see you? 
Do they offer you kindness or hospitality? 
Do they do what they say they are going to do?
Are they there for you when you really need them?
Do they remember things that are important to you?

It’s easy to explain why people are the way that they are but sometimes understanding becomes excusing. Excusing becomes absorbing and before long you are tolerating a lot of shit from someone who isn’t giving you anything in return. Not even simple care and consideration. Some people think that you are in their life to serve them. Not to contribute as two adults experiencing life together but like a lopsided game of tennis with one person doing all the work

I think most people have experienced someone who is unhelpful, unkind or inattentive to their lives. I’m really interested in why we put up with so much!

One of my favourite authors, Maya Angelou, famously said: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."  How many times do we tolerate repeat patterns of bad behaviour? How often do we spend years pretending not to notice?

I have decided that life is too short. We deserve better. We all deserve to be treated with decency. Do some ‘decency diligence’ - write down a list of people who are lacking in their levels of behaviour. Decide going forward what you are and are not prepared to tolerate.

Lift your standards - you deserve better.