The Power of Yes

Many of us have got very good at saying NO.

No to the dinner we're too tired for. No to the trip that's not quite the right time. No to the course, the invitation, the spontaneous plan that would mean rearranging a Tuesday. No to the opportunity that sounds exciting but also risky. No to the thing we used to love but we somehow stopped making time for.

Saying no makes sense. It's an important part of protecting our energy. To stop people-pleasing. To honour our limits. It is necessary. It's important. The ability to say no is a skill, and a lot of us spent years without it.

But somewhere between learning to say no and where we are now, something shifted.
No stopped being a boundary and started being a default.

We're not just saying no to the things that drain us anymore. We're saying no to the things that light us up. The people, the places, the things that give us pleasure. 

We tell ourselves we're being practical. Responsible. Realistic. I’m a bit done with realistic and responsible! I love this line from Oriah Mountain Dreamer's poem, The Invitation.

“I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; 
if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips 
of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic”

I think we are living with too much fear.  We are scared of being disappointed. Scared of looking silly. Scared of wanting something and it not working out. Scared of how it might feel to be that alive because being alive also means being vulnerable.

So we stay comfortable. We stay manageable. We fill our days with the known, the safe, the efficient. And slowly we start to shrink. Our energy shrivels and we start to exist rather than living.

I think that there is a massive difference between moving away from what depletes you and moving toward what makes you feel alive. Moving toward joy requires a different kind of courage. It requires you to admit that you want things. That pleasure matters. That it is not indulgent or irresponsible to prioritise the things that make you feel like you.

I'm not talking about saying yes to everything. I used to live in that chaos! The fear of missing out, the wanting to be everything to everyone. I’m not talking about chaos - I’m talking about aliveness!

I'm talking about the yes that lives just behind your hesitation. The one you talk yourself out of before you've even properly considered it. The concert, the course, the coffee with someone interesting, the creative project you've been "meaning to start," the weekend away, the class you'd be a beginner in. 

We need to sit a little longer in possibility before moving to an automated NO. 

Allow yourself to imagine saying yes, to notice how you feel. We have to allow the feeling of something new or exciting to rise up in our bodies. We live so much of our lives in fear and practicality that we forget joy is also a valid reason to do something.

Not everything needs to be optimised. Not every decision needs to make sense on paper. Some things are worth doing simply because they make you feel more like yourself. More present. More here. Aliveness isn't a luxury. I reckon it’s the whole point. 

What can you say yes to this week?