Parenting Power
This is for you if you are parenting children. If not, maybe forward this to someone who is!
A few people have recently reached out to me about challenges they are having with their children.
Kids behaving badly. Parents consumed by stress. Sick with worry about what their child is up to or turning into!
I have four children all with different personalities, talents and different challenges. I love teenagers. Sometimes I don’t like them very much - especially when they are going through a ‘tricky season’. These times feel long and hard but in the big picture are often quite short.
I have loved watching my babies bloom into adulthood. It’s the ultimate privilege to sit around a table with stunning adults that you had a part in creating. Taking a baby and turning them into an adult is not easy!
Being a teenager is also not easy. There is a lot happening. Physically, emotionally & socially. Being rigid and righteous with teenagers is a recipe for disaster. You have raised a great kid and you need to trust that they will become a great adult. What they need is some space. Some space to grow, some space to be. The best advice is to relax. It may not be as bad as you think.
Or maybe it is! I love the saying that you have to parent to the strength of the child. Some kids are easy to parent, they seem to be happy to slot in and go with the flow and others are micro terrorists. They are disruptive and difficult and seem born to destroy you!
I believe that our children choose us. That there is a sacred contract at play and that we are brought together to learn from each other. So often, parents think that they are the teacher and miss valuable lessons from their young-ins!
My children have taught me so much about myself. They have helped me to get clear about what’s really important and what doesn’t matter.
As you navigate teenage years you need to decide your bottom line. What you will and will not tolerate. Here are our rules:
Be Respectful - do not damage people or things.
Be Honest - say what you mean and mean what you say.
Be Responsible - own your energy, your mess and your behaviour!
Be Grateful - focus on what you have.
Be Kind - show kindness to yourself and each other.
After that, we need to let go. To trust. To give them some space. To let them know that we think they are clever and capable and that they are going to be incredible adults. Your job is to be delighted with them. To enjoy them. There are so many people pressuring them and judging them!
You putting them under pressure, making them wrong and not trusting them will not help.
Under Pressure:
Being a teenager isn’t easy. There is loads of new stuff to negotiate. The last thing they need is extra pressure from you. They need a safe space, a soft space. Somewhere that they can melt into the furniture and rest. If they see you as an endless nag, they will switch off.
Being Wrong:
Teenagers spend a lot of time trying to get stuff right. They worry about how they look, who they hang out with, where they are seen and what they achieve. They don’t need extra pressure from you. They need support. They need love. They will want to try new things and wear new things. Don’t make them wrong!
Trust:
I work on a system of 100% trust. 100% trust is the starting point. Not something that has to be earned. A place that everyone is at until they are not. Because I trust them they lean into that. Trust that you have taught them well.
It’s not easy being a teenager and it’s not easy raising them. Some are easier than others. Be gentle on yourself and on them!
