Feeling Worthy
Feeling worthy is a huge human challenge. I have never met anyone who has not been met by ‘a wall of worthlessness’ at some point in their lives.
Some people have a bigger struggle than others. The definition of self-worth is ‘a sense of one’s own value as a human being.’ It has the word ‘self’ in it which means that no one else can fix this for you. Self-worth, self-love, self-esteem are all solo endeavours. It's about building a relationship with yourself and seeing yourself for who you are rather than who you have been told you are.
Our self-worth is a combination of what we think of ourselves, how we perceive other people receive us and how much we like who we are.
A lack of self-worth can show up in not asking for help, not wanting to ‘inconvenience anyone’ (sound familiar?), not meeting our own needs and never speaking up about what we want or what we think. Worth is about how valuable something is so when we don’t feel worthy, we don’t think that we have any value. We assume that no one will want to hear our views or opinions.
Being ‘good enough’ has been a theme throughout my whole life. In my father's eyes, as a female, I would never be as good as my brother or at least I would have to work twice as hard to be seen as half as good.
I have had many people tell me that I wasn’t up to scratch. I think when hearing this as humans, we can go one of two ways. We either believe that it is true and stop trying or we push past with a finger in the air and yell - watch me! (I chose the second!) The first is not a great option as you resign yourself to being permanently at the bottom of every pile but let me tell you from experience the second option is exhausting! Climbing the hill of Mt Neverenough is a battle. It’s two steps forward one step back.
Having been on the planet for half a century, I now know that battling is not the answer, surrender is. It's about leaning into yourself. Getting to know yourself and falling in love with you.
I work with people who have spent a huge chunk of their lives thinking that they are not being good enough. It takes a lot of time and effort to let yourself believe that you finally are. Self-worth isn’t a switch that flips inside you. It’s a daily struggle not to sabotage your own success. It’s about noticing, nourishing and nurturing yourself.
Noticing:
When does the voice in your head get loud?
What are the recurring negative thoughts that are renting space in your head and working out where they come from?
Where are you when you feel safe and comfortable?
What are you doing when you feel clever and brave?
Nourishing:
Nourish means feeding yourself for growth, health and good condition.
We think a lot about the nutrients that we feed ourselves physically - but what about your head diet?
What are you feeding your mind? Who are the people you spend the most time with?
What are you reading, watching and scrolling?
Nurturing:
How do you care and protect yourself from the world?
What are your rules of you?
What you will and will not tolerate?
What are your not negotiables?
If you are at the start of a new relationship with yourself, maybe you should go on a date. Buy yourself an outfit, book a table for dinner, walk on the beach holding your own hand!