Connection

I had the most amazing weekend!

A weekend of connection, humility, support, and healing.

I had the privilege of being invited to attend a wānanga - a workshop -  at a friend's Marae.

Four of us travelling together - all Pākehā  - were nervous but excited. We knew we were safe, we knew we were in the best hands but our shame all ran deep. 

I have always carried a shame that comes with acknowledging my ancestral roots. While I do not know anything about my own whānau’s involvement with land wars, I know that they must have benefited.

I grew up in Horowhenua and had a wonderful childhood surrounded by diverse families. When I listened to my Māori and Pasifika friends, I heard their stories, stories of prejudice and discrimination, stories that seemed so impossible to believe because they were completely different experiences than I had been privileged to have.

I have been privileged to live in a country where all its systems have all been designed to work for me. Systems to operate and think the way that I operate and think.

I have always felt guilt and shame for my privilege. That guilt and shame were made visible this weekend in our need to get everything right - to be certain about every activity and any expectation required of us. We asked loads of questions - we were stressed about what to wear, what to do and where to do it! We all shared an anxiety about getting things wrong. 

In an effort to ‘get things right', I asked one of my beautiful Māori friends if he had any tips for us nervous Pākehā and his response was divine… ‘maraes are a place of aroha - just enjoy it!’ 

And enjoy it, we did! A whole weekend of love and kindness and care. 

We walked and talked and laughed and cried. We made new friends, visited sacred landmarks, enjoyed divine nature, and shared beautiful food. We shared unity and love and connected on many levels.

I have returned with a desire to learn about my tūpuna. I want to learn about those who came before me. I have never thought much about it. I am blown away by how much I do not know!

I have a new collection now - a collection of my people, of the places they came from, of the stories of them, of who they are and who I am.