Dumb Shit

Why do humans do dumb shit?

People are by and large very clever but man we do some dumb shit!

In the last week, I have spoken to people who have stories of humans who have people cheating on their partners, stealing from their employers, lying to people who trust them and spending large amounts of money they don’t have.

The problem is feelings. Most of us are, at any one time, chasing or running away from our feelings. Sometimes we chase the feelings of feeling attractive, excited, free, and autonomous. These feelings result in the instant gratification of fun and fabulousness. Sometimes we are running away from feeling restricted, not good enough or ashamed. We will do anything to avoid the feelings of hurt, fear and shame.

The problem is when you push down your feelings, they have to go somewhere. They usually get pushed down, deep inside and then they sit and fester. 

I feel like all of us are always running away from something. What is the thing you are trying to avoid? What is the thing you are currently running towards? What is the thing you really want?

Often, the thing we really want is sitting on the other side of what we are avoiding. I was speaking to a guy this week who really really wants to get known for his expertise. But he is avoiding publishing any of his content! What he is running away from is the exact thing that he wants. The world is full of examples of this. The person who wants a partner but won’t actively go out and meet anyone. The business owner who wants to work less but refuses to take on more staff.

Intentionally running towards something is a goal. Deciding that you want to do something differently or transform yourself is a conscious decision that means you are in charge of your behaviour. In my experience, bad behaviour is not always conscious. No excuses here - I think people know what they are doing is bad but they haven’t always made the connection of why they are doing the bad thing. 

Next time you notice a behaviour in yourself or others, consider if it is running towards or running away from things. What hole is the behaviour filling? Think about what you want and what you are avoiding.

“Pain in this life is not avoidable, but the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.” - R.D. Laing