Being Listened To

Last week I was away at retreating. I spent three days with 16 fabulous women. Three days “Repotting” humans. A process where we get clarity, support, space and inspiration. A space where you get to design how you want to be and what you want in your world.

We sat in circles. We laughed, we talked and most importantly we gave each other "a good listening to"!

I love sitting in circles. Officially sitting in a circle creates a feeling of belonging, a feeling of connection and a sense of equality. In the beginning it doesn’t feel like that. There can be a lot of fear. Fear of having to say something, fear of being judged. Fear of being seen.

You are visible! Being seen, heard and appreciated are so important. And yet so many people do not feel any of these three, let alone all of them!

The world has become so busy and disconnected and there are people sitting in homes full of people, in offices stuffed with humans who have not felt seen or heard or appreciated for yonks.

When you are in a circle you are facing each other, alongside another, there's eye contact and facial expressions. You are incredibly visible, and you are accountable for your presence.

I love the idea of presence. Presence is the state of being somewhere. When you get an invitation that reads "Your presence is requested,” you are being asked to show up. Your style of being there — your demeanour — is also your presence.

I love the responsibility of presence. Of turning up. Of being present. Of being aware of what you are bringing to the room. In my new book “Energy” I am writing about being responsible for the energy that you bring into any space. To turn up, turned on. To turn up open, to just have an awareness about how you are turning up!

When I speak at events I have a great reverence for the presence of the room. The honour of people giving you their time and attention. Last year I asked a dear friend of mine to teach me Te Reo Māori. As a New Zealand speaker I wanted to be able to open speeches, greet and thank people in New Zealand's official language. He asked me what I wanted to learn. I told him I wanted to speak as me - I wanted to be able to greet a room thanking them for their energy, attention and presence. He taught me the word “aroaro” meaning to face, front, before, in the presence of.

It's my favourite word! To be in someones ‘aroaro’ is an honour. In our busy worlds taking time to be in someone's space is special.

Sitting in circles asks us to slow down. We think about what we are saying. We hear our own thoughts. We hear ourselves speak. The more circles I sit in, the less attached I become to my own opinion.

Circles hold wisdom. They are sacred spaces. They allow us to collect intelligence, to collaborate.

As a collective everyone at the retreat left better than they arrived! They left seen, they left understood, they left feeling appreciated and valued and heard. They left with permission to follow their instincts.

So many of us were raised being told who to be, what to be and how to be. If we feel outside of ‘what was expected’ we were given a "good talking to".

What we really needed was a "good listening to"!