We have become unhelpfully independent!

I've been thinking a lot about support this week

Last week I was able to support my friend in possibly the toughest week of her life. It feels good to help, to be there and to be a shoulder for someone to lean on. The reason that I was able to put everything aside and be there for my friend is because I have an amazing support network in place. I have people around me that help, hold and have me. They’ve got my back.

Getting enough support in your life is critical to having a life that works. In traditional roles women have always been the supporters. The mothers, the wives, the daughters, the caregivers, the assistants, the secretaries, the nurses and the helpers.

Most of us have been raised by Mothers who were never taught how to meet their own needs, as a result many are resentful and bitter and suffering from some degree of martyrdom.

Its hard to do something that you have never been taught or at least demonstrated. Asking for help is one of the biggest barriers that we have in living the life of our dreams. So many people believe that they do not deserve help, that they are not worthy of another persons time.

We have become unhelpfully independent!

Asking for help is not weak. It is powerful. There is no better feeling than asking for your needs to be met. But before we can get there we need to have some awareness around what it is we need? Many of us have been so independent for so long that working out what we need is even a challenge!

Once you know what it is you need, you need to accept that you need help. Accept that perhaps you are not a one stop human shop that can do everything in the world on your own!

Then comes courage. It takes courage to ask for help - to be brave enough to approach someone and ask for something! Work out who is the right person and then put yourself out there to ask.

The final step is to be grateful and appreciative for the help that you have received. So often people who do ask for help, take the help for granted and show very little appreciation!

An attitude of gratitude of gratitude is always a good idea.

Make a list of how many people you support. Compare it to a list of how many support you! Often the difference is huge!

Support can be paid help. Do you have support staff at work?
Someone who helps with administration in your business?
Do you have someone who helps you at home? A gardener, a housekeeper Sometimes it is friends and family.
Do you have a partner who helps you with everything you do?
Do you have someone who helps out with your children?

Or do you have none of the above? None is a bad answer. When we constantly support others with any support we get depleted ourselves. 

We get run down, exhausted, burnt out and often resentful.

So where do you start? Ask yourself these questions:

1. Identify your needs: What do I need? Is it physical help, emotional support, expert knowledge?
2. Who do you have in your life that might be able to help? 
3. Where could you get someone? Hire an expert, pay a student?
4. Give clear instructions about what you need or want.
5. Leave them to it - let go of the job and the process!
6. Be grateful.

Mikayla Whetton