Keeping your love tank FULL
I was recently speaking to a woman who was really concerned about her daughter - she had very low self esteem and the mother was really worried about the fact that she was not able to do the things she wanted to do. Her daughter was paralysed by self doubt and did not believe she was capable of much. The Mother wanted her daughter to ‘grab some of the opportunities in front of her and believe in herself’.
I really felt for this Mum as she was all out of ideas on what she could do to help her daughter. The problem was that we are unable to give someone something we do not have ourselves.
This Mother went on to tell me that she, herself, had never had any confidence, had lived her life comparing herself to everyone she met and suffered from severe anxiety.
Learning to love herself maybe the most powerful thing that she could do for her daughter. Role modelling by putting herself first, doing things that made her happy and living a life she loved were possibly the best way to help her daughter to do the same.
“A Mother who radiates self love & self acceptance actually vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem” - Naomi Wolf.
Learning to like the person that we are, I believe is some of the most important work that we can do in our lives. There is no doubt that we are stuck with ourselves. We cannot get away - so I often wonder why more people do not take an active interest in developing themselves…
Learning to like ourselves, learning what makes us happy and learning to acknowledge and forgive the bits that we don’t like - is super powerful. When we live in constant comparison and never feeling good enough our self belief erodes away. You get a leak in your self love tank. Keeping your tank filled is a constant job - checking with your thoughts and sabotages, shifting your thoughts from negative to positive and constantly checking in with limiting beliefs takes some work.
Our self talk is shocking - things that we would never say to another person we say to ourselves - often all day. We call ourselves fat & stupid & ugly and many other horrible things. Hanging out all day with a nasty, unhappy and negative person can really affect the way you feel about yourself. When it comes to self love we are literally our own worst enemy!
I believe that we owe ourselves the love that we freely give to other people.
Treating yourself like a friend is a great start.
If a friend was having a hard time what would you do? Would you call her fat and force her to keep going or would you be gentle and make her some soup and tell her to go back to bed?
“When a woman becomes her own best friend life gets easier” - Diane von Furstenberg
Many women focus on their physical selves and put themselves through hoops trying to look perfect. Obsessed with weight and our body shapes and our physical flaws - our bodies are often the target of our self abuse.
So how do we learn to like ourselves a little bit more?
- Focus on the bits of your body that you like - rather than obsessing about the bits you hate.
- Do three kind things for yourself each week. Pick yourself flowers, cook yourself your favourite food, book a face or body treatment, dress in a favourite outfit, give yourself permission to have a rest in the middle of the day.
- Make a list of things that you are good at or like about yourself.
Learning to accept/like/love who you are is one of the greatest things we can achieve.
BIG Love is an online programme and Live Event that I run. Check out the next events coming to a town near you!